Saraphiene "Sara" Haldritch
My wife made this gif for me, we have four guinea pigs and love them to death. This was just to silly to not post it all by itself. Guess today was one of those silly days, but aside from the alien/predator scary mouth and eyes thingy.. my guinea pigs act just like this. One of them, we call Riley LOVES gummybears, now I know what your thinking.. "why would anyone give a guinea pig a gummy bear? Well the first time was more of a joke and he only gets the head of one gummy bear every couple months so its not like he's fed them or something, he just has an immense sweet tooth. He also giggles (some people say its a purr like a cat which he does that as well but he also makes a similar sound but different that only happens when he finds something funny.. ie: tickling his belly, or if we are watching something funny and we laugh he does too.
April 27th, 2010
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
Most people grow up looking into a mirror, whether its in the morning, noon, or night; while brushing their teeth, putting on make-up, or just brushing their hair. As we grow up we begin to identify flaws that we have in ourselves that we dislike. I doubt there is a person alive whom have looked at themselves in the mirror and simply could not pick out at least one flaw. These flaws usually grow into insecurities and make us feel bad about the way we look, some of us over come the insecurities but alot of us hang onto them for reasons we do not know. We were taught how to hold on to something but never how to let it go.
April 25th, 2010
The Incredible Shrinking Woman
Vs
The Biggest Loser
Well as all of you know aside from my gender change I am going through significant weight loss. I am also a very big fan of the tv show "The Biggest Loser" and I love Jillian Michaels, of coarse Bob Harper is a cutie as well and I love his personality. Anyways so I have been following The Biggest Loser and keeping decent pace in weight loss. Well at the beginning of this season contestants had to ride 26.2 miles on an exercise bike in teams of two (so 13.1 miles each roughly). Then a few weeks ago the remaining contestants had to do the 26.2 miles on an exercise bike alone. I ride my exercise bike almost every day but the one thing I have not done in comparison to the show is ride the 26.2 mile challenge, see 26.2 miles is a marathon distance and quite the victory for anyone let alone anyone over weight.
Well today I decided to go for it and try, 94.45 minutes later at 17 mph I finished my 26.2 mile ride burning 2,344 calories (calculated from 6 different calorie calculator websites then averaged), thats only 24 minutes slower then the fastest time on this season of The Biggest Loser! OMG what a victory! My tailbone hurts but shockingly my legs dont ache like I thought they would. I hope this challenge I overcame puts a nice dent in the scale tomorrow, after all I burnt more calories this morning then I consume per day on average.
"But wait theres more!" (as said by Billy Maze and Anthony Sullivan two infomercialists) My day of exercise isnt over yet, now after I post this blog my wife, kids, and I are going on a walk/jog to my mom's house which is another 6.15 miles away. Getting healthy never felt soooooooooo good!
April 22nd, 2010
The Frayed Wire
What happens to a wire, rope or cable when it starts to fray while it has alot of weight on the bottom end? Eventually it breaks... this post is about the frayed wire. To better explain this is about the ties that bind, what keeps me with my external family.
April 21st, 2010
To Breathe Anew
The weather was cloudy and overcast, no sunshine yet still I found myself feeling as I do when the first glint of sun shines on you. My thoughts were not dark and terrorizing but soft and comforting. I walked those few miles not once feeling depressed or unhappy, paniced or worried. As I got close to home I passed an open field, the delicate sent of flowers danced under my nose. I simply couldnt help it but stop and stand there facing the caressing wind with my eyes closed and enjoying this feeling... the feeling of breathing again for the first time.
I continued home with the adorable bounce in my step and sway on my hips that mysteriously found me on my short journey home. I found a new hobbie, one I like very much even more then previous activities that I participated in.... and it was walking alone. I use to be my own worst enemy but now I think I am becoming my own best friend. This feeling I cant describe any other way then just breathing.. nothing else just breathing. If you stop and shut everything in your mind totally off and just breathe.. that moment of clarity, thats who I met today on my walk home.. my new best friend.
April 20th, 2010
The Hiding Game
April 19th, 2010
My Secret Self
Today I stumbled apon a wonderful transgender workplace support site called Transworkplace. You can go their simply by clicking their name I just linked. Anyways within this site I found a plethora of information as most importantly this 20/20 video by Barbara Walters called "My Secret Self". The description below the video on the transworkplace site mentioned something about crying, let me elaborate on that... When you see this video if you understand what transgenderism is, if you are transgender or love someone who is.... You... wil....cry. I started crying when Jaz, the first little girl started singing but then continued crying through each family they showed, specifically Jeremy.
April 16th, 2010
Family Fued
Well last night was the first time I got my mom to look at my blog, it was her idea after all but bless her heart she's always so busy. Anyways she's been supportive of this change but never really inquisitive about anything thats happening. It sucks she doesnt ask more questions, I think its because she's uncomfortable with it, that and I found out my sister doesnt believe this is real. She thinks its a phase... there goes the loving support. Anyways my sister is a sweet girl but she's rather domineering and I honestly think my mom agress with her, or at least hopes that this is a phase. If it was, which its chemically impossible, it would be a really silly phase seeing how I have almost a c-cup and well that wont go away even if I stopped HRT.
April 15th, 2010
Make-Over!
Today my wife and I went to our dear friend Hollie's house for a much needed make-over and photo-shoot. Alot of my friends were wanting an updated picture of me.... so..... I did it! I broke out of my overly self conscious shell and we did a total make over, so for the first time in history I have posted pictures of me on the internet. When it was all said and done I was amazed at how good they turned out. Also for your viewing pleasure (or something like that) I have posted past pictures of me in the "Ode to Transitions" section so you can see a chronological shift of what I looked like and the transition of my sex change and hormone therapy. The first image is me a year ago, then me 4 months ago, and on the right is me today at 90lbs of weight loss and 4 months of HRT (hormone replacement therapy). Click anywhere on "Ode to Transitions" to see my images, however... below is a very special picture a professional digital imagerist did for me. Its my picture but ghosted with another picture. The two images represent my change from where I am today to where I will be after its all done. It looks a little blurry in some areas but that was done on purpose to give the ghosted effect. She made one where it was solid but I liked this one the best. This professional digital artist is my wife.. Teresa, I will always love her.
April 8th, 2010
Changing the name on my license
Well today was suppose to be a big day for me. I was so excited, see I was suppose to go with my wife to our friend's house for a total makeover and to really gussy me up because afterwards I was going to the DMV to get my license renewed in my new name "Saraphiene Haldritch". Last month on the 30th my legal name change document was approved and signed by a judge at the courthouse making my new name official. Just before we left this morning I had a strange feeling I was missing something I needed, to get my license renewed. I checked for my social security card, a certified copy of my name change, my old non expired license.. I checked everything but some reason I just had to call the DMV and check to make sure.
April 1st, 2010
Laser Hair Removal Appointment
Well this will be my first dated entry, ironic its on april fools. Somehow today just didnt feel funny. I had my second laser hair removal appointment today, I was very excited because it needs to get done but mostly, the more often I do these the less I will have to do in the future. They are kind of expensive at $150.00 per session times 8 sessions to fully remove all facial hair, but they are important and a stepping stone in my "rite of passage". A friend of mine named Jason told me that today when I told him what happened. He said to think of it like a rite of passage, how badly I wanted all of this. Let me explain what happened:
Welcome to Eternal Whispers
This blog is about my life changes being a transgender changing from male to female. It is designed to help others whom dont understand or are curious as to what this is all about, as well as and mostly, to help others whom are going through difficult life changes.
Well I have never blogged before, but with all that I am going through and all my friends and family telling me I should. I suppose they are right, it would benefit me just to write things down but also it could hopefully benefit someone else whom is or will be going through what I am.
Please check out my other pages first, such as Introduction of my life, and All my darkness. They explain the basics, Thanks!
