August 8th, 2010

♪♫ Set apart this dream for me. .  ♫♪

When I first started this change I felt that I was in a nightmare, suffocating... drowning, but as my transition progressed I started seeing everything differently.  Colors seemed brighter, future seemed hopeful, and music sounded clearer.  Sure my transition was laden with stress and anxiety but no matter how difficult things got every day seemed to get that much brighter.  I look back today and remember all the strife and heart ache I went through and yet none of that matters anymore.  No matter how grim things got or how depressed or stressed out I got, ever day was progress.

(click on the play button at the top of this post)
I am truly amazed how much the human body changes, very much like a caterpillar within its cocoon changes dynamically into a butterfly.  This is something most people will never truly see but for those of us fortunate enough to experience what seems to be a nightmare, yet gradually shifting, altering into the most amazing dream-come-true anyone could conceive.. for those few special people, cherish this time.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but one day you will have the clarity I do to be able to step back and see how truly amazing this is.

I use to tell people that while I never have a single regret of this change, not one, I would not wish this upon even my worst enemy.  I tell them that the pain, anguish, and despair of being incomplete and yet to feel socially unacceptable for this feeling is something no human being should have to endure.  Now while it is true that I have never had a regret of my transition I cannot look back and truthfully say that this was so horrible.  Yes I wish I had been born the correct gender, yes I wish I had the childhood I should have as a little girl, and yes I wish I was the woman I know I was meant to be.  I cant help but to be thankful I am able to see a side of life that is beyond words, a beauty of life that I.. one of the rare few selected gets to see.  Oh yes my past was dark but my future is so illuminated, flooded with joy and wonder in which makes everything I have and am going through worth it all.

That my dear sweet friends is a dream one should share with others.  So to all of my brothers and sisters whom are going through this transition, cherish this and share it with those whom are not as fortunate as we are.

Ever learning and always shining,

      Sara