September 20st, 2010

Tá ár n-uaillmhianta aisling

Tá ár n-uaillmhianta aisling, is Gaelic (Irish) for "Dreams are our ambitions" which I thought was appropriate for today's blog post.  Must like every single woman, trans or not, the reflection in the mirror is far worse then how I want to look.  I guess this is true for anyone but for me I am going from something I despise for being it for far to long.  I guess the best way to compare it would be taking clay from the ground, dirty and unrefined, and going to an amazing porcelain work of art, and I am still in the clay stage.  Perhaps refined, all the impurities are gone and I am starting to take shape but when I look in the mirror I see what I dont feel.  Anyways my point to all this is for us to dream, our dreams are our ambitions.  So if we are going to strive for something then dream.. dream big because the bigger you dream the stronger your ambitions will be to get you there.

Sure the path will be blocked countless times with insecurities and depression but the dream will never fade.  Below is a picture of a model/actress from Italy who I could only dream to look like, but then again isnt that the point? To dream and strive to become?

This is how I see myself, but when I look in the mirror I am brought back into a reality check.  However, to have a body like hers while its alot of work and rather aiming a bit high is my passion.  I want, no...I will look like this one day.  I will be beautiful for I am a woman with a dream that will become reality with hard work and devotion.

Which brings me to the other subject I wanted to blog about.  A couple weeks ago I went to see my endocrinologist, Dr Sara Becker.  I was very excited to see her since it had been 6 months.  The appointment went very well and she complimented me on how nice I looked several times.  But the really good part was when she told me I passed, that I passed very well.  To me that was a ray of sunshine, to have a medical professional who specializes in this transition to tell me I pass.  Now for those of you new to your change or non-transgender, to be told you pass is the greatest compliment a transgender could ever be told.  It means that you pass as the genetic sex your transitioning into, in other words my doctor was telling me I passed very well as a woman.  I tell you I had a smile on my face for weeks, now why did it take me so long to post such vitally important information?  New school year, kids are back in school and life just got ever so busy.

I promise I'll try and post more often and as I have been saying for a while, I promise to get new pictures of myself very soon.  I think I might go in and have them professionally done, either just me or my whole family, at either rate you'll be able to see my progress.  Bare in mind I am not anywhere near the weight I want to be but my features are curving and as I have been told countless times by friends and now my doctor... I PASS!!

With lots of love,
      Sara

PS A special shout out to my friend Kristy whom I havent spoken to in a couple weeks, so with that.. I'm sorry Kristy! XOXOXO