Eternal Whispers: a gender change story: 2010

December 27th, 2010

What's my birthday?

Hi all, sorry I havent written in a long time. Between moving to Arizona then within Arizona in Peoria to Surprise (yes thats actually the name of the city, Surprise!?), and with the holiday season... well that about sums up my excuses for this month. Now that the holiday season is over and life returns to normal I can breath and take control of my free time. So without further adu and no longer guilding the lilly, I bring to you this month's blog post titled, What's my birthday?

Now this post isnt about guessing my birthday or anything its more of a deeper thought into what or when for that matter is my real birthday. Let me explain: On December 28th, 1976; I was physically born... imperfections and all, so logically my birthday is December 28th? However on February 2nd, 2010 I began my hormone replacement therapy, transitioning from the man I was forced to be into the woman I was born to be. So on February 2nd, 2010 I was born again, taking control of my life and doing something about the situation I was in rather then to give up and let the world consume me.

To me February 2nd, 2010 feels more like a real birthday then my original birthday does. Yes tonmorrow I'll be 34 yet I cant help but ponder the fact that I'll simply be 33 years of numb, lifelessness and 10 months of true life. I dont like birthdays in general because the only thing you celebrate is how old your getting and while its exciting and great when your young... as you get older it begins to mean less each year. But a Rebirthday, now that sounds exciting! A celebration of not how old you are but how much you've accomplished. A celebration of living proof that you've taken control of your life and against all odds shown the world exactly who you really are!

So this year I am going to celebrate my birthday on my real date of life, the day I took my first true breath. The day I first opened my eyes to the real world and my true self. If your in Arizona or will be in the beginning of February 2011, I'd like to invite you to my birthday party. It will be a celebration of life and ambitions of not only myself but all of those whom have come before me and after to be reborn again.

XO,
Sara

November 11th, 2010

The End and The Beginning

Its hard knowing just what to say when someone dies, weather they were close to you or someone you barely knew. Funerals always make me depressed and to bury someone that recently was up and alive, now lifeless and cold. Well sadness and depression is one thing not happening today! Today I burried the final remnance of my "brother" (my old self) by finally getting my new glasses!

November 4th, 2010

New Picture Coming Soon!!

Hi guys, I know I have been talking about it for a while now but its finally coming, new pictures! I got a cell phone a couple days ago, its the newest andriod phone on the market (OMG I am in love with this phone) effectively its a laptop computer only mini sized with no buttons, the entire screen is a touch pad. Anyways it has a camera on it thats quality is extremely good.. soo I am having my picture taken but not till my new glasses get here. I am still wearing my old glasses (men's yuk) so I went and got a new prescription and frames which will be here in 3-7 days. The frames are pink! and super cute! So once they get here I'll get all dolled up and snap a few shots for my blog. Only down side is I havent lost anymore weight since my last picture, the stress of moving and family issues etc etc have only caused me to gain weight. But now that things have calmed down and I am back in my routine I am loosing weight again so I'll be bikini body ready in a year. Anyways aside from the new phone, and $400 glasses (ug my pocketbook still hurts) not much else has happened. Just living life one day at a time and enjoying every minute of my transition.

Its rather rewarding seeing just how much changes from taking estorgen and anti-androgens, I havent talked about detailed changed on my blog yet due to the fact they are rather personal and graphical details. However, I am thinking of opening an adult section on my blog where I can talk about these things. Things such as breast growth, muscle growth (in different areas then a man would have) as well as chemical changes I have gone through. But thats all in consideration and planning, dont know if I will do that or not, post replies here or email me at Saraphiene@live.com and let me know your opinions on this idea.

As always extreme XOXO's to you all,

Sara

October 31st, 2010

A night to remember...

Wel its halloween and I am excited, alot has happened in the past month but it all comes down to what happened last night and what will happen tonight *wink*. Last night a sweet friend of mine picked me up and took me on a girls night out on the town. She showed me alot of Phoenix and even took me out to dinner, which by the way I strongly recommend eating at Ticoz Resturaunt in Phoenix! I was overly nervous that night because the last time I went "out" was my 21st birthday and even that was just to a crappy bar. Dinner was great and the atmosphere was priceless, the staff was extremely friendly and over all people just seemed to be having a really good time all around.

October 30th, 2010

Kill ~~Bill~~ Patrick

Ok I'll start with saying that this post is really going to be nothing more then a rant. So if you wish feel free to avoid this post, however if you wanna see me rant and laugh at someone's expense whom deserves it.. read on.

October 17th, 2010

Phoenix, to start anew

Hi all, sorry I havent posted in a week but alot has happened. Most transgender end up moving to start a new life once they have begun transition, sad to say its sometimes not an option. For me it was moving to Arizona, someplace no one knows me, someplace I wont be ridiculed by people (family) whom are to stuck on the past and unwilling to be accepting. For a life change, starting completely over whats more fitting then Phoenix, the name itself is what I am refering to. Phoenix, to be reborn, and thats precisely what I am doing. To start I'd like to say how much I love Arizona! No more cold days, no more persistant nonstop rain, and no more humidity!! Ok maybe its not for everyone but I love it here. Currently I am seeking support/social groups in Phoenix to be a part of, I really need more friends and I need to get out. I'd love to go to a club with a group or girls and just enjoy the night!

We are still getting settled in and I havent found much time for my computer, poor computer, he must think I am cheating on him.. ok there goes my dry sense of humor. Anyways I'll blog alot more soon, just need time to get settled and then get my groove back. On a side note my hair is gorgious! its alot longer and I cant stop playing with it, I love being a blonde! Also I have noticed considerable breast developement (as if they needed to keep growing) I was a small c now i'm a well fit C and taking great shape! Anyways for anyone trying to get a hold of me remember my email addy is Saraphiene@live.com

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Love yas!

Sara

October 10th, 2010

Moving Day

Hi all, just posting to let everyone know whats going on. You probably wont see me around for the next two weeks because we moved from Oregon to Arizona. The move was actually quite stressful as most of you can imagine from my previous posts discussing the idea of moving and why. Two months ago we had decided to move and we told my mom two weeks in advance so they could spend time with us and say good bye etc, yea its hard for anyone to see family move away, but my external family (mom, sister, etc) flipped out! They tried holding an intervention to brow beat me into staying! Coarse thats how they force me to do anything I dont want to, they verbally beat their ideas into you. Anyways like usual I caved and we stayed, I couldnt handle the anxiety and stress.. my stomach is already like swiss cheese due to the alarming number of ulsors due to everything thats been happening.

So two months later brings us to today, we moved! The only difference is this time since I proved my external family couldnt handle this maturely, we simply didnt tell them. I know its bad but have you read my posts? It really was the only option. Anyways so by the time you read this we are already in Arizona getting settled in, once we get there i'll write a letter to my external family and tell them whats going on. Coarse they are going to hate me but thats something I have accepted. If they are reading this, which I doubt, but if they are.. I am sorry, sorry to my sweet sweet sister Marissa, my sister Faye, my brother Joey, my sister-in-law Laura, my nephews Jeffory, Trefor, Tyler, Wilson, Jay-Jay, and my Niece Luci.. I love you all and I will stay in touch. We'll come back next year and visit, infact I plan on coming to see you all every year.

As for my friends Jason and Justin, I am sorry I didnt tell you sooner, I couldnt risk this secret slipping out. Not that it would or what not but.. I didnt tell anyone period so dont feel left out.

Anyways now that I opened pandora's box.... the secret's out and no turning back. I wish this didnt have to be this way but I already tried this the responsible way by telling people weeks in advance but they couldnt handle it maturely. For those that the immaturity issues doesnt apply, I am so very sorry.

XOXO

Sara

September 20st, 2010

Tá ár n-uaillmhianta aisling

Tá ár n-uaillmhianta aisling, is Gaelic (Irish) for "Dreams are our ambitions" which I thought was appropriate for today's blog post. Must like every single woman, trans or not, the reflection in the mirror is far worse then how I want to look. I guess this is true for anyone but for me I am going from something I despise for being it for far to long. I guess the best way to compare it would be taking clay from the ground, dirty and unrefined, and going to an amazing porcelain work of art, and I am still in the clay stage. Perhaps refined, all the impurities are gone and I am starting to take shape but when I look in the mirror I see what I dont feel. Anyways my point to all this is for us to dream, our dreams are our ambitions. So if we are going to strive for something then dream.. dream big because the bigger you dream the stronger your ambitions will be to get you there.

August 24th, 2010

News Post

Sorry for the simple post just letting everyone know of the new things I have added. As you will see there are 2 new banners for Indica, one above this and one on the bottom left. On the top right you will see ♪♫ In Passing ♫♪, and the bottom right you will see several other new music videos, we hope you enjoy! Also moved the donation box below the table of contents on the right hand side for aesthetics. I'll post soon!

August 20th, 2010

The Greatest Roller-Coaster,

...you don't want to be on.

Mood swings, we've all had them but have we had them all? It seems like a silly statement but its really closer to the truth then we'd like. As I go through my transition I have noticed drastic mood swings. Days where I am happy and cheerful, days where I am crabby and quick tempered, and then the worst days... the days I am depressed. Any number of things can effect our mood swings and those going through a similar transition will notice the drastic increase of mood swings.

In short they aren't fun but they do play a vital role on our development but the difficult thing is how to deal with them. When multiple woman live together their bodies start to grow in sync, between menstruating to lactating. Since my transition I have noticed my body creating menstrual symptoms that show up a day to days before my wife's does and on some occasions days after instead of before. I get more moody and its extremely obvious, I retain water, cramps, and migraines. While I don't bleed because I don't have a uterus (yet! one day technology will advance to uteran transplants!) I still exhibit all signs of having a period.

So with these mood swings due to hormone levels I've started taking some precautions, it sounds funny almost like a werewolf but hang around me on my worst days and you wont think the werewolf mentality is far from the truth. So lets call it Weregirl mode, mainly because a Weregirl isn't as scary as a Werewolf, anyways back on subject. When these mood swings happen and then when they are over I look back and think "why did I do that?", "did I really say that?" Its very much like a Werewolf, some vicious beast taking over.

Now its really not THAT bad but I'm a drama queen so let me live in my own little world and exaggerate things a little. When these mood swings start coming on I take little precautions, mostly small things to prevent me from being irrational such as any large decision making. When I'm a Weregirl I refuse to buy anything and try to avoid emotional situations with people I care about. When it comes to emotional conflict such as what someone said I try and write it down or push it aside so that I can shrug it off and wait till the next day (or week depending on how long the mood swing is). Then when I am no longer a Weregirl I can look at the situation and deal with it properly, especially emotional conflict or purchases, because nothing makes a girl feel better then shopping or chocolate and usually in that order.

So for all us Weregirls out there, its a wild roller coaster ride and while we may not enjoy the downs.. hold on tight because the ups will make you scream with joy!

Love,

Sara

August 18th, 2010

The Interview

I have been looking for a job for quite some times now, the economy really sucks and I've now been unemployed for two years (without unemployment benefits mind you). Anyways I got a call back from a company I recently applied to, they wanted an interview! I was so excited I had problems sleeping, the interview was set for August 17th at 6pm, and my nerves were running amuck. This was to be my first job interview since my transition, and because of that I was a wreck.. would they know? would I sound ok? (I havent had voice surgery yet). All these things were racing through my mind knowing that this was my first opportunity in two years I must make the best of it. Anyways so the day of the interview came by, I got ready many hours early just so I wasnt late, make-up was stunning, outfit was great, nerves..... still shot.

So I get to my interview, early, everything seems fine even though I feel as if I'm just a walking joke. I calmed my nerves as best as I could and during the interview I answered every question the interviewer had very quickly and I think perfectly. I was spot on, at least I felt so, and I wasnt the slightest bit nervous once the actual interview started. After it was all over I started to feel dreadul, thinking to myself.. convincing myself that I was the butt end of a joke and they werent seriously interviewing me. I guess I have my mom to thank for my low self esteem "less is more" she says when she's trying to convince me into wearing a grubby t-shirt and jeans without make up.. ie: boy myself down. She really hates my transition but claims she's supportive. Just glad I didnt take her advice and waltz into my interview looking like a hobo off the corner just walked in...

Anyways, the day after the interview I feel better, knowing I did my best and if I dont get the job it was a first experience, I mean quite literally it was my first interview ever since the transition. With luck they'll call me back next week but I'm not holding my breath. Until then I'll keep looking, someday, someone will hire me reguardless of who or what I am.

Love, Sara

August 8th, 2010

♪♫ Set apart this dream for me. . ♫♪

When I first started this change I felt that I was in a nightmare, suffocating... drowning, but as my transition progressed I started seeing everything differently. Colors seemed brighter, future seemed hopeful, and music sounded clearer. Sure my transition was laden with stress and anxiety but no matter how difficult things got every day seemed to get that much brighter. I look back today and remember all the strife and heart ache I went through and yet none of that matters anymore. No matter how grim things got or how depressed or stressed out I got, ever day was progress.

Agust 3rd, 2010

The Blushing Bliss

I've never truly thought of myself as attractive. I've had people tell me I was but I never really felt it. I've felt attraction to others, but the emotion of a blissful blush is one thing I haven't experienced. Its funny how the smallest things in life make the largest impact in your life, last night my family and I went out to get dinner. It was nothing fancy and something we never do, we went through a fast food drive thru. I don't get fast food very often (weight/diet and all) and normally prefer to cook anyways but tonight we did this. So as we got to the window I went to get my visa from my purse. I then realized I had made a mistake and left my visa at home, I quickly counted the money I had but I did not have enough for the order. I had most of it but still more then a few dollars short. I looked up at the man and politely asked for him to take away one of the things I ordered but before I could finish my sentence he looked at me in the eyes and told me not to worry about it as he smiled. I was rather shocked, I mean if your a penny, nickle, dime, heck maybe even a quarter short, it can be no big deal, but....

August 2nd, 2010

The Terrorists within Us

Ok I'd like to start off with an apology, my last few posts have been alot more ranting and complaining about the bad things going on instead of the changes and feelings I am going through. This blog originally was more... well just more, so I'll steer this thing to be slightly more Sarasophical (Sara's Philosophy). This should make my posts more meaningful and more informative.

August 1st, 2010

Crash of the Titans

Yea crash not clash, gosh my sense of humor is dry sometimes lol. Anyways, hi all!! I'm so excited to tell you all whats been going on in my little world. The in my last post I mentioned the issues with my mom and our plans to move to Arizona, well theres a silver lining to that dreary cloud of darkness. It seems the idea of moving was frightening enough to my mother to have given her a gentle kick in the butt, while we were and are serious of moving its still nice to see her turn the other cheek and start smiling. Being less negative and more compassionate is very much ideal. As far as moving, unfortunately its being post-poned until further notice, apparently I have some sort of ulcer bug that's chewing happy little holes in my stomach and stress only makes it worse.

Stress for staying but stress on moving is not something my doctor is willing to risk, apparently its bad enough she wants me to stay put for a few months and wait to see what happens. So with that on hold I guess I can concentrate on the positive aspect of my external family (mom/dad/etc).

So why dwell on the positive when I can vent and rant on the negative? I'll start with this and end with the really good juicy stuff at the end.

July 21st, 2010

...and life continues

Hello, sorry I havent blogged in a while, up until recently not alot has changed so I waited to post till something important happened. Well that something has happened, though I wish it had not. Well all and all life has been going well, still havent found a job but everything else has been amazing till recently. Ok so heres whats going on in Sara's world;

May 18th, 2010

"Congradulations, It's a girl!"

On May 18th, 2010 at 9:00am pst in salem oregon I was pronounced officially and legally female!! All the obsticles and hurdles before me may have slowed me down but never stopped me, I am now as I will always be...a woman. With this last legal obsticle/hurdle complete I can now apply for a new job as I am currently unemployed. Now I will be hired as the woman I should have always been and will always be, this is a monumentus day for me. It's been long in the making and I've spent many years of anguish awaiting this day, and now that its here.. I could not be happier!

To all those whom did not think this was real, or that this was a phase... I have nothing more to say since I already said it to begin with. I do however want to say something else, something important, while my journey isnt finished and I still have a ways to go. I've always told my kids that they could be anything they wanted to be, until this year (January 1st, 2010) when I began my transition, I was nothing more then a liar and a hypocrit. I told my children something I personally did not live by or believe. As of this day I am now living proof that you can actually be anything you want to be.. including whole. I am now whole, I feel as if half of me that was mising all my life is now with me. I breath deeply and feel the air fill my lungs as I have never felt before. The world is brighter and the colors are more viberant, I love my life!

May 14th, 2010

[Insert inspirational phrase]

I know its been a couple days since my last post talking about the hurdle I was having to redo and wait to see if my therapist would take the appropriate steps to finish what we started. I was very confident he was going to be added to the dmv list, there is no professional reason not to, however he choose not to. He claimed his supervisor wouldnt let him, which the only way that would be true let alone up to a supervisor is if my therapist wasnt actually licensed and was earning credit hours from a supervisor, or if he had some sort of discimination issue. I may not ever know which was the true reason for him choosing to see a gender dysphoric patient but unwilling to follow the law (harry benjarmin international standard of care).

May 6th, 2010

Running Backwards

I know its been a couple days since I blogged but alot has happened so I'll have an even better post today for you. Ok first off on Saturday - May 1st, 2010 I finally went to the DMV to have my drivers license renewed into my new name (the only name you all know me as), my wife and I spent the morning fussing over what clothes to wear and what colors of make-up. After we were both gussied up we headed down an hour before they opened so we'd be the first ones in line to make our time there short and simple, and we were the first ones.

April 30th, 2010

My wife made this gif for me, we have four guinea pigs and love them to death. This was just to silly to not post it all by itself. Guess today was one of those silly days, but aside from the alien/predator scary mouth and eyes thingy.. my guinea pigs act just like this. One of them, we call Riley LOVES gummybears, now I know what your thinking.. "why would anyone give a guinea pig a gummy bear? Well the first time was more of a joke and he only gets the head of one gummy bear every couple months so its not like he's fed them or something, he just has an immense sweet tooth. He also giggles (some people say its a purr like a cat which he does that as well but he also makes a similar sound but different that only happens when he finds something funny.. ie: tickling his belly, or if we are watching something funny and we laugh he does too.

April 27th, 2010

Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

Most people grow up looking into a mirror, whether its in the morning, noon, or night; while brushing their teeth, putting on make-up, or just brushing their hair. As we grow up we begin to identify flaws that we have in ourselves that we dislike. I doubt there is a person alive whom have looked at themselves in the mirror and simply could not pick out at least one flaw. These flaws usually grow into insecurities and make us feel bad about the way we look, some of us over come the insecurities but alot of us hang onto them for reasons we do not know. We were taught how to hold on to something but never how to let it go.

April 25th, 2010

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Vs

The Biggest Loser

Well as all of you know aside from my gender change I am going through significant weight loss. I am also a very big fan of the tv show "The Biggest Loser" and I love Jillian Michaels, of coarse Bob Harper is a cutie as well and I love his personality. Anyways so I have been following The Biggest Loser and keeping decent pace in weight loss. Well at the beginning of this season contestants had to ride 26.2 miles on an exercise bike in teams of two (so 13.1 miles each roughly). Then a few weeks ago the remaining contestants had to do the 26.2 miles on an exercise bike alone. I ride my exercise bike almost every day but the one thing I have not done in comparison to the show is ride the 26.2 mile challenge, see 26.2 miles is a marathon distance and quite the victory for anyone let alone anyone over weight.

Well today I decided to go for it and try, 94.45 minutes later at 17 mph I finished my 26.2 mile ride burning 2,344 calories (calculated from 6 different calorie calculator websites then averaged), thats only 24 minutes slower then the fastest time on this season of The Biggest Loser! OMG what a victory! My tailbone hurts but shockingly my legs dont ache like I thought they would. I hope this challenge I overcame puts a nice dent in the scale tomorrow, after all I burnt more calories this morning then I consume per day on average.

"But wait theres more!" (as said by Billy Maze and Anthony Sullivan two infomercialists) My day of exercise isnt over yet, now after I post this blog my wife, kids, and I are going on a walk/jog to my mom's house which is another 6.15 miles away. Getting healthy never felt soooooooooo good!

April 22nd, 2010

The Frayed Wire

What happens to a wire, rope or cable when it starts to fray while it has alot of weight on the bottom end? Eventually it breaks... this post is about the frayed wire. To better explain this is about the ties that bind, what keeps me with my external family.

April 21st, 2010

To Breathe Anew

Today my wife and I went for a long walk, not because we had to but because we wanted to. She had an appointment and today wasnt rainy. As we got to where we were going which was several miles from our house, I left her to her appointment and I walked back home alone. Now I've always hated being alone, my section called "All my Darkness" explains a bit on why and nothing more alone then walking quietly by yourself with only your thoughts wandering through your mind. Ironically.. that wasnt the case today, see as I walked home I was at peace. I enjoyed the brisk walk against the cool breeze, and I started to notice a gently sway in my hips as I walked unlike I've ever walked before.

The weather was cloudy and overcast, no sunshine yet still I found myself feeling as I do when the first glint of sun shines on you. My thoughts were not dark and terrorizing but soft and comforting. I walked those few miles not once feeling depressed or unhappy, paniced or worried. As I got close to home I passed an open field, the delicate sent of flowers danced under my nose. I simply couldnt help it but stop and stand there facing the caressing wind with my eyes closed and enjoying this feeling... the feeling of breathing again for the first time.

I continued home with the adorable bounce in my step and sway on my hips that mysteriously found me on my short journey home. I found a new hobbie, one I like very much even more then previous activities that I participated in.... and it was walking alone. I use to be my own worst enemy but now I think I am becoming my own best friend. This feeling I cant describe any other way then just breathing.. nothing else just breathing. If you stop and shut everything in your mind totally off and just breathe.. that moment of clarity, thats who I met today on my walk home.. my new best friend.

April 20th, 2010

The Hiding Game

Often I find myself extremely shy and overly worried. I dream of being invisible or fading into the background, but these arent really just dreams now are they? As a transgender I find myself hiding as often as I can, be it my finger nails, my body, my feelings. I often wear unisex clothing or bulky shirts just so no one notices me. I always hide every faucet of myself from others. I guess I've always done so.. so why do we hide? Is it because we have been forgotten, or we want to be forgotten?

April 19th, 2010

My Secret Self

Today I stumbled apon a wonderful transgender workplace support site called Transworkplace. You can go their simply by clicking their name I just linked. Anyways within this site I found a plethora of information as most importantly this 20/20 video by Barbara Walters called "My Secret Self". The description below the video on the transworkplace site mentioned something about crying, let me elaborate on that... When you see this video if you understand what transgenderism is, if you are transgender or love someone who is.... You... wil....cry. I started crying when Jaz, the first little girl started singing but then continued crying through each family they showed, specifically Jeremy.

April 16th, 2010

Family Fued

Well last night was the first time I got my mom to look at my blog, it was her idea after all but bless her heart she's always so busy. Anyways she's been supportive of this change but never really inquisitive about anything thats happening. It sucks she doesnt ask more questions, I think its because she's uncomfortable with it, that and I found out my sister doesnt believe this is real. She thinks its a phase... there goes the loving support. Anyways my sister is a sweet girl but she's rather domineering and I honestly think my mom agress with her, or at least hopes that this is a phase. If it was, which its chemically impossible, it would be a really silly phase seeing how I have almost a c-cup and well that wont go away even if I stopped HRT.

April 15th, 2010

Make-Over!

Today my wife and I went to our dear friend Hollie's house for a much needed make-over and photo-shoot. Alot of my friends were wanting an updated picture of me.... so..... I did it! I broke out of my overly self conscious shell and we did a total make over, so for the first time in history I have posted pictures of me on the internet. When it was all said and done I was amazed at how good they turned out. Also for your viewing pleasure (or something like that) I have posted past pictures of me in the "Ode to Transitions" section so you can see a chronological shift of what I looked like and the transition of my sex change and hormone therapy. The first image is me a year ago, then me 4 months ago, and on the right is me today at 90lbs of weight loss and 4 months of HRT (hormone replacement therapy). Click anywhere on "Ode to Transitions" to see my images, however... below is a very special picture a professional digital imagerist did for me. Its my picture but ghosted with another picture. The two images represent my change from where I am today to where I will be after its all done. It looks a little blurry in some areas but that was done on purpose to give the ghosted effect. She made one where it was solid but I liked this one the best. This professional digital artist is my wife.. Teresa, I will always love her.

April 8th, 2010

Changing the name on my license

Well today was suppose to be a big day for me. I was so excited, see I was suppose to go with my wife to our friend's house for a total makeover and to really gussy me up because afterwards I was going to the DMV to get my license renewed in my new name "Saraphiene Haldritch". Last month on the 30th my legal name change document was approved and signed by a judge at the courthouse making my new name official. Just before we left this morning I had a strange feeling I was missing something I needed, to get my license renewed. I checked for my social security card, a certified copy of my name change, my old non expired license.. I checked everything but some reason I just had to call the DMV and check to make sure.

April 1st, 2010

Laser Hair Removal Appointment

Well this will be my first dated entry, ironic its on april fools. Somehow today just didnt feel funny. I had my second laser hair removal appointment today, I was very excited because it needs to get done but mostly, the more often I do these the less I will have to do in the future. They are kind of expensive at $150.00 per session times 8 sessions to fully remove all facial hair, but they are important and a stepping stone in my "rite of passage". A friend of mine named Jason told me that today when I told him what happened. He said to think of it like a rite of passage, how badly I wanted all of this. Let me explain what happened:

Welcome to Eternal Whispers

This blog is about my life changes being a transgender changing from male to female. It is designed to help others whom dont understand or are curious as to what this is all about, as well as and mostly, to help others whom are going through difficult life changes.

Well I have never blogged before, but with all that I am going through and all my friends and family telling me I should. I suppose they are right, it would benefit me just to write things down but also it could hopefully benefit someone else whom is or will be going through what I am.

Please check out my other pages first, such as Introduction of my life, and All my darkness. They explain the basics, Thanks!

Eternal Whispers: a gender change story © Saraphiene Haldritch 2010