April 21st, 2010

To Breathe Anew

Today my wife and I went for a long walk, not because we had to but because we wanted to. She had an appointment and today wasnt rainy. As we got to where we were going which was several miles from our house, I left her to her appointment and I walked back home alone. Now I've always hated being alone, my section called "All my Darkness" explains a bit on why and nothing more alone then walking quietly by yourself with only your thoughts wandering through your mind. Ironically.. that wasnt the case today, see as I walked home I was at peace. I enjoyed the brisk walk against the cool breeze, and I started to notice a gently sway in my hips as I walked unlike I've ever walked before.

The weather was cloudy and overcast, no sunshine yet still I found myself feeling as I do when the first glint of sun shines on you. My thoughts were not dark and terrorizing but soft and comforting. I walked those few miles not once feeling depressed or unhappy, paniced or worried. As I got close to home I passed an open field, the delicate sent of flowers danced under my nose. I simply couldnt help it but stop and stand there facing the caressing wind with my eyes closed and enjoying this feeling... the feeling of breathing again for the first time.

I continued home with the adorable bounce in my step and sway on my hips that mysteriously found me on my short journey home. I found a new hobbie, one I like very much even more then previous activities that I participated in.... and it was walking alone. I use to be my own worst enemy but now I think I am becoming my own best friend. This feeling I cant describe any other way then just breathing.. nothing else just breathing. If you stop and shut everything in your mind totally off and just breathe.. that moment of clarity, thats who I met today on my walk home.. my new best friend.