April 16th, 2010

Family Fued

Well last night was the first time I got my mom to look at my blog, it was her idea after all but bless her heart she's always so busy.  Anyways she's been supportive of this change but never really inquisitive about anything thats happening.  It sucks she doesnt ask more questions, I think its because she's uncomfortable with it, that and I found out my sister doesnt believe this is real.  She thinks its a phase... there goes the loving support.  Anyways my sister is a sweet girl but she's rather domineering and I honestly think my mom agress with her, or at least hopes that this is a phase.  If it was, which its chemically impossible, it would be a really silly phase seeing how I have almost a c-cup and well that wont go away even if I stopped HRT.

So anyways my mom comes to this site, not once complimenting anything not even the "Ode to Transitions" page that shows my progress.  No instead she immediately starts a horrible argument about my last name....

Ok so I changed my entire name first, middle, and last, which I told her I changed my name but again she did not talk about it.  Didnt ask questions, nothing, its not like I was hiding anything.  Now I can understand her thought process in her reaction of freaking out to my last name change.  That doesnt mean I agree with her, I simply can percieve what she's thinking.  I changed my last name along with my first and middle name because it was part of my transition.. it removes all professional ties from my old name.  It doesnt make me not related to her nor disowned anything.  The way I see it is when my sisters get married they take their husband's last name.. ok and that doesnt change their relationship to their external family (mother, father sibblings). 

So why should my name change be viewed as anything different?  Oh I know why.. because I wasnt born female so I get the hypocrits end of the beat stick.  Yes my new last name is not my wife's last name, we both choose to go for Haldritch because her maiden name isnt the greatest last name.  I wont say what it is but its slang for a male body part.

So here I am, with a mother who doesnt understand and is irate that her "son" had "his" last name changed because "he" became a "she".  Apparently you have to have the birthright of being born female to truely be considered female.  I'll settle for second place if it fixes me and makes me happy.

Alot of people look at this change and see it as a selfish act, I've even heard people tell other transgender that they were better off dead.  First off what a horrible thing to say, who gives them the right to make that decision.  Secondly if their ignorance wasnt a brick wall they would see how unselfish this really is, let me explain.  I tell my children they can be anything they could ever want to be; they could be president, they could be an astronaught, a pilot, a great parent, a loving spouse.  Which is all true, the only thing that stops you from being what you want is yourself.  People can overcome any obstacles!

So with that being said, if I was to be "unselfish" as people say and stay a male.. living a lie and being unhappy, that would make me a liar and a hypocrit to my children.  I would be telling them something that I didnt believe in or wasnt true, and it is true!  So my change, our change as a transgender community is not only the hardest damn thing in life to go through but a very unselfish act. 

Now to clarify the argument changing ones sex is unselfish.. leaving ones family without attempting to make it work isnt unselfish its totally selfish.  Thats where alot of people get confused.  Sadly most transgenders either dont have the choice or are so broken and hurt from the rejection they simply stop caring and wish this new life to bury their old life and memories. 

I am infinately fortunate, I have a wife whom is not only bisexual but is becoming a full lesbian with my change so we can stay together.  She is my soul mate and reguardless of gender we were made for eachother.  I also have three amazingly smart, supportive, and understanding kids who understand fully whats going on, whom can and have voiced their opinions and questions openly with us.  We made a decision when we went into this (my wife and I) that if the kids werent old enough to understand or were not ok with this.. it simply wasnt going to happen.  We were completely ready and willing to postpone this change till after they were grown up and moved out of the house, but we didnt need to wait.  The kids asked their questions (sometimes I wonder how they got so smart) we talked about everything they asked about.. and every single one of them is not only excited and supportive but happier for this change.  We as a family are closer then any family I know and closer then we have ever been.  My daughters and son come to me with the biggest of secrets and concerns, most kids would rely onto a best friend... We are our children's best friends.

I dont need to go into details on what they've come to with us, but its obvious.. things we went to our best friends about and not our parents.  In the end I am extremely happy with the family I have helped develope and grown with.  Which is why all of these negative and demeaning influences from outside dont hurt as much and dont mean anything to me.  I just wish I could share my experiences with those whom are going through these changes and need a shoulder to lean on... even cry on.

I hope one day my mother whom I have always looked up to so very dearly reads this and/or comes to grasp with the reality of this change.  I wish one day she'd call me her daughter and think of me as such, for I love her more then my own life.... I love you mom.

Always your son daughter,